A Million Sandwiches

stop the violins

Virginia — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 23:39:41 +0000

I saw a woman today with a violin case and I thought how cartoons made me think every violin case might have a gun inside. Then I thought, someone needs to make a gun full of tiny violins. That would show ‘em. That would show ‘em good.

Useful Skills, as Defined by Saood, Who Can Solve a Rubik’s Cube

Virginia — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 19:11:50 +0000

Saood: Solving a Rubik’s cube is actually a very useful skill.

Mrs. Lund: Tell me more.

Saood: Like, one day you could be walking down the street, and you meet this guy who is trying to solve a Rubik’s cube, and the guy is all, “Agh! I’m so frustrated I can’t solve this Rubik’s Cube, I could just kill someone!” and then you’re like, “I can solve that for you,” and then he won’t kill you.

Mrs. Lund: I am glad I know you. Saood exits, solving his Rubik’s cube as he walks to his next class.

Steve — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 04:44:42 +0000

When we watch the televised funerals of Michael Jackson or Ted Kennedy, Leader suggests, we are engaging in a practice that goes back to soldiers in the Iliad mourning with Achilles for the fallen Patroclus. Our version is more mediated. Still, in the Internet age, some mourners have returned grief to a social space, creating online grieving communities, establishing virtual cemeteries, commemorative pages, and chat rooms where loss can be described and shared.
Meghan O’Rourke’s history of grief in The New Yorker

modern mourning

Steve — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 04:41:13 +0000

the string section was scared

Steve — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 06:32:25 +0000

i know the feeling

Steve — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 06:25:05 +0000

All day I was just, “sausage, sausage, sausage!”
Guy at the table next to us without a shred of self-awareness

woe is coco

Steve — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 02:36:37 +0000

Holidays are Exhausting, from the desk of Barkley Q. Barkerton

Virginia — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 18:22:28 +0000

(Unmitigated Handsomeness)

Listen, people on the computers:

Holidays are exhausting. First, there are the friends. So many friends! You have to put all of your energy into making friends love you the most. Second, there are the snacks. At holidays, people are always eating snacks. You have to look at the snacks and let people know how much you please, please want them now. And finally, when you are tired and full of snacks, people want you to be HANDSOME for PICTURES. As you can see, even in difficult circumstances, I can still manage to be at my most handsome all the time, but it is not easy. My advice? Have a happy rest of your holidays, people on the computers. Put the computers down, take your shoes off, and fall asleep with the TV on. Then, make a New Year’s resolution to give me all your snacks, please now.

Sincerely,

BQB:vkl

medicine

Steve — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 18:48:36 +0000

Wondermark

Best last line ever.

Virginia — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 21:53:41 +0000

“And everybody was never seen again.” - Nathan H., 7th grade.